Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
