I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
