What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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