It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
