I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
