Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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