Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
