I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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