24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
