Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
