Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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