ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
