i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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