if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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