My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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