I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
