i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
