I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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