no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
