I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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