This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
