You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
