i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
