Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
