You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
