doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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