i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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