where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
