OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
