Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
