I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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