she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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