I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
