Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
True strength comes from lack of pants
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
