did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
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oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
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yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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