Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
