i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
