it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
