When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
