Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Randomize
