if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
