I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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