this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
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