Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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