Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
