cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
