If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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