I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
