I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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