whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
