i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
