Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
