i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
