i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
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