i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
