i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
