You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
