I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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