Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
