don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
