the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
