I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Church boner. Awkwardddd
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
