Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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