i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
