"it" just moved
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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