i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize