Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
