So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Vodka?
Forever.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
