i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
