They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
