I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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