I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
