She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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