rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
