Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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