Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
