can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
